Redefining Jealousy
My grandmother once told me that if I cried when I was cutting an onion, it showed that I was jealous. I think about her statement every time I chop onions, and I’m not even sure what to make of it, other than what the…???
Growing up, jealousy was a bad word. It represented bad energy. I was told that jealousy meant that you could not be happy for another person, that you were resentful of someone else’s success. But jealousy is a feeling I have had a lot over the years and, because of the stigma attached to this particular emotion, I’ve always felt awful about it. Awful and confused—because although I felt jealous, I did not feel resentful. So, I learnt to suppress the feeling and, often, to hide it.
Over the last year, I’ve started a journey of really trying to understand what each of my emotions means, what triggers them, and how I can channel their true meaning. Each feeling we have has a purpose, and I’ve realized that understanding its root cause is essential to understanding me and my true purpose.
I have come to realize that jealousy can be an incredibly motivating feeling, and a true guiding force.
Jealousy shows you what you want. When I am jealous of what someone is doing, or has achieved, I don’t feel resentful. Instead, I am thankful that I can pinpoint what I want and that the person can provide me with a blueprint of how to achieve it. They are a mentor of sorts—someone I can follow, speak to, connect with. I can see what path they’ve walked, what sacrifices they’ve made, and I can fully determine whether I really want what they have, and what steps I must take to achieve it.
I have also come to understand that just because someone else has something that I want, does not mean that I cannot have it too. Coming from a competitive family environment and a competitive corporate space, I’ve always felt that there are two sides, those who win and those who lose. Sure, that might be the case in sports, but not in the world most of us live in; there is enough for us all. Just because you have a best-selling book does not mean I cannot also be an award-winning writer, speaker, businesswoman, or whatever it is that I desire.
It has taken me a long time, actually nearly five decades, to understand the feeling of jealousy and that it is a good thing.
How we break down that feeling and what we do with it is incredibly important to realizing our dreams. Next time you feel jealousy, try to break it down—what is it that you are jealous about, what is it that you want? Is it a particular lifestyle, car, job, clothes, or the ability to travel to different places? Start pin-pointing your actual want. Then ask yourself whether you really want it. Think about that seriously. Imagine having it, visualize it, put yourself in that place and see if you really want it—the good and the bad side. And if the answer is yes, fantastic, you have your vision.
Embrace the jealousy. Draw inspiration from the person you’re jealous of. Wish the person well (remember, there is enough for everyone) and use their blueprint to embark on your own journey. Use it, build on it, make it yours.
If you would like to talk to me about how I can use my experience to help your business, do drop me an email or follow me on Linkedin, Instagram and Twitter.